On reflections on my first quarter

Wow, it's been a month since I have updated last - really went off track there! Let's see, I got busy with end of quarter examinations, Thanksgiving, and then an intense 2-week lab and research period. I gained a new accessory (courtesy of my parents), an Apple Watch to help me be healthier, and lived alone with no roommate for the first time in 2 years. Its been a wild November and December transition, and as I sit down for the last time at my desk at Stanford for the year, I think its time for some reflections and thoughts.

Let's first start with the goals that I wrote back in September:

1. Be able to bike to the Golden Gate Bridge and back. This is a distance of 80 miles roundtrip - I want to be able to take on larger road trips so that cycling becomes a part of my lifestyle.

2. Eat healthily -Have vegetables every night, and fruits at least twice a day.

3. Do 20 pullups in a row - My goal is to do 20 strict pullups in a row

4. Play guitar on a weekly basis - I want to redevelop my guitar playing skills, which I had left almost a decade ago. This time, I want to be able to play a wide repertoire of music from pop to rock.

Goal 1: Hmm, this is sad because I did not bike to the Golden Gate Bridge - however, I did visit it on my bike from the San Francisco Caltrain station!

The most recorded distance I did was about 35-mile bike ride; however, I did bike a strong 20-22 miles a few times, furthermore did a few inclined climbs in the mountains behind Stanford. Based on my Apple Watch, my average speed on my bike is 15 mph (woohoo! - an improvement from my early 8 mph average speed at the beginning). I am pretty happy with that I bike every day, and my legs have gotten stronger to both increase my speed and do climbs. Overall, I would rate this goal is 6.5/10.

Goal 2: Eat Healthily - I am pretty happy here - I rarely had red meat, stopped eating bread, pasta, and I did manage to have vegetables/fruits every day. However, I still have to work to switch up my meal schedule.. start eating more at lunch (advice from Mom), and less at dinner. I would say that this goal is 9/10.

Goal 3: Do 20 Pullups - I completely smashed this one. From doing 1 pullup to now being able to do 40-50 pullups, I am very happy and pretty proud of my progression in pullups. Still have a lot of work to do in my midsection, time to work out my very weak abs, and run more (goal for next quarter!). Overall this goal is 11/10.

Goal 4: Play guitar on a weekly basis - The fact that I enjoy playing the guitar again is really proof that I met this goal. I am happy that I play my guitar based on the last blog post. I would say that I still have many skills to relearn and pick up more songs - Overall 9/10.

Also, I got my grades back for this quarter - I passed all my classes! Ultimately, it shows that I can do both academics and other extracurriculars without completely sacrificing the other - this was a balance I really struggled with in undergrad, and I am happy that I got a bit better at that. Although I will give that the class concepts were not completely new, so I didn't have to focus as much.

Next quarter, I have decided to challenge myself with concepts outside of my box - computer science classes and machine learning. I realized that my research will require an understanding of computational tools, and since I really like math, I figured to go for both a theoretical machine learning course CS 229M and a class on applied artificial intelligence - CS 230: Deep learning.

The day after Halloween, I got a younger cat brother - DK. He is named after my late maternal grandfather - who loved animals. DK is honestly a ball of fun, cuteness, and sharp claws and teeth. He is fun to have around, and he is a childhood wish of having a pet come true.

That brings me to my family - I think this is one of the first times I have realized that my family is getting older. My parents are undergoing physical changes - I see more grey hairs! My paternal grandparents are slowing down. My maternal grandmother is becoming more and more of a shell of her former self. To be honest, I can't imagine it was just 3 years when everyone was there for my high school graduation - now, that seems so far fetched and impossible.

Coronavirus slowly transitioned from A Phantom Menace to striking very closely. A dear uncle of mine has been struggling with the virus (and that's much understating it) - he seems to be doing better now, but god knows what the side effects will be. I found out my hearing got worse quite a bit, and I'm reaching the limitations of my hearing aid - it's almost time that I can no longer hide my hearing aids.

Oh, how much changes in 3 years! So many, and the overwhelming majority is out of my control. I can't bring my grandfather back, I can't prevent people I know from getting Covid, I can't prevent my parents and grandparents from growing old, I can't prevent my ears from deteriorating, but you know what, I am trying to make peace with all of this.

3 years ago when I went back home from college for the first time - as I waited at the Brussels airport for my parents - I remember thinking - Hey, I think I got this college and life thing figured out, all I have to do was just get an A in all my classes and then party - everyone will be happy, my parents will be happy for my grades, my friends will be happy for the parties! Very black and white, and very naive!

But today, I find myself questioning a lot of things I do. The answer is rarely straightforward - should I go home, or should I stay at the lab? should I buy this, or should I save? Am I doing the right thing, or at least trying to do the right thing?

I find myself having fewer answers for situations.....and more worries and doubts. I think I am starting to see the shades of grey (literally! My favourite sleeping shirt, computer, computer case, bedsheets are all grey.), and as much I don't want to think or see them, they are there.

I go home for the winter knowing when the next year rolls around, there's even less certainty I will have when I come back. However, when I get overwhelmed by the existentialism of it all, I remember something that the original Rebel Without a Cause said to me - "I will worry about it when it comes to me in the present, till then, no point worrying.

Somehow he makes more sense today than he made the day he said it!